Sunday, May 22, 2005

small-town promenade

In balloon color
dresses, women
go down with the sun.

Summer evening
Girls, ices & watermelon slices
Pretty, pretty in pink.

Strings of jasmine
In dark hair

Rushing garcons
Between parked cars
melting orders

Little boys
selling heart balloons
to little men in big cars.

from parked cars
near garbage.

Ice cream
Melting to
Warm tounges.


NicoleBraganza said...

"Strings of jasmine
In dark hair"

I just love love love the smell of Jasmine!

Misreflection said...

Interesting GS, Verse: Little boys....., wonder why the use of words such as heart, litle, big cars. :)..Of course I have my own ideas on why you chose these words.

ps I love jasmine too, playing in my hair, lovely phrase.

Joel said...

I love the first verse paragraph. "In balloon color dresses". Nice, very nice image.

mermaid said...

Such description in a gentle but powerful voice.

. : A : . said...

"Little boys
selling heart balloons
to little men in big cars."

There is so much in this stanza. I can go on reading it again and again and again.


gulnaz said...

.:A:., really? :) thanks, am glad you like it so. ;)

mermaid, thanks darling! :)

Joel, flattered that you shoudl like it, thank you. :)

Missy, i like the smell of flowers in a room, thanks for appreciating! :)

Nicole, yes nicole me too. i sometimes put jasmine flowers in a bowl, in my room. i don't wear them in my hair shortish hair.

Jamie Dawn said...

Summer parades and fairs are so much fun. The sights, colors, foods, etc.... Yummmmmm.

transience said...

sizzling summers = sensual imagery

i love the pictures i see in my head after reading every verse, gulnaz! you write truly inspiring poetry.

finnegan said...

Gulnaz, .:a:. has my idea. That verse especially sticks with its evocative visual quality. Another one is the image-leap from garbage to ice cream to warm tongues.

When I was in Brasil, the tropical heat brought on really astonishing juxtapositions of daily life. What is it about the heat anyway?

Geetanjali said...

Hey I don't know if you've been to Bbay and to Naturals Juhu - but this poem took me back there immediately!

Beautiful word pictures Gulnaz and very summery! Btw aren't the best 'icecreams' those kulfis you get on the road? Slurp!

Cocaine Jesus said...

what a kaliedescopic vision of india, for surely this is she, that smacks you squarely in the eye when you read these punchy lines. and each line and each verse has that wonderfully energetic vibe that takes hold of your wrist and transports you smack bang centre into the market place with all that fantastic colour and sound and scent.

i wanna ice cream. NOW!!!

great poem Gulnaz.

gulnaz said...

Jamie, a feast for the senses. :) though it wasn't a fair, just an evening in the part of the city where people come for ice-cream, kind of a town centre.

transience, thanks! ;)...there is something sensual abuot summer.

finnegan, thank you...its all these pictures which remain in my head.

the heat sorts of brings everything to life...sharpens the senses and the sharp colors are, i think, our efforts to strike out at the heat itself.
brazil...would like to go there somewhere but then i like to go everywhere. :)

Geetanjaliyes naturals!!! i loved it, in fact once had someone bring it out down all the way here and i remember it was so frozen, finished it within an hour, spoon by spoon. i remember eating it, late at night, sitting by the window when everyone was asleep and listening to the sounds of that great city of sure bought on memories with that one. :) thanks and yes faluda kulfis are mmmmmmm. ;)

CJ, it really is a i wish i could portray all its colours...there are many...pastels to gaudy rich emeralds to muddy browns! its not easy to fall in love with it but one does eventually, with all its stench and scent too. thanks do flatter me...and get a scoop...make that two.

Roger Stevens said...

Lovely poem.

You could think about adding another layer by regulating the rhythm. For example verses 2,3 and 4 have four beats, Verses 6 and 7 have two but the other two verses have five and three. The way you use rhythm can add or subtract from the feeling and power of a poem.

Lorena said...

this place you described makes me want to be there and take it all in. i look forward to watermelon during the summer :)

Laura said...

I like the contrast in

Little boys
selling heart balloons
to little men in big cars

gulnaz said...

Roger Stevens, thank you! thanks also for your suggestions...makes me feel good. it is just that i don't know about these things (beats, metere etc). these verses are like snapshots of what i saw and felt and meant to be like stand-alone tubes. however i agree 100% that together when they are read, something is amiss, glad you pointed it out. :)

Lorena, thanks, glad could it paint so and yes watermelons are heavenly! :)

Laura, yes i liked it too....:) thanks for leaving a comment,come by again. :)

Nav Amole said...

it is a beach is a beach... NICE (the city) the beach..