Tuesday, May 10, 2005

some silly girl

Part 1

Heartbeats
Wild Congo drums
“Easy now, girl”

Heat
Suffused cheeks
Permeates down.

Eyes shut tight
He whispers
“I’m here now…”

Part 2

Heartbeats
Ragged, louder footsteps
“Courage now!"

Cold
Fingers tremble
Moist cheeks sunken

Eyes shut tight
He whispers
“I’m here now…”

9 comments:

bablu said...

Good contrast.

"Heat
Suffused cheeks
Permeates down."

"Cold
Fingers tremble
Moist cheeks sunken"

But come any weather a smile invariably lights up your face when he comes, does'nt it?

Misreflection said...

love the first stanza the most, yeah right! wild congo drums , my heart beats like that a little too often these days, and You're so right easy now girl, I like it.;)

Joann said...

such vivid desire

gulnaz said...

bablu, missy and Joann, thanks all of you for your comments. yes its also about desire and passion but the second half was about a love gone sour....when anticipation turns into dread. i am sorry i was not able to portray it correctly.

Pincushion said...

Great juxtapositioning here..I DID think you were portraying love and hate/fear? So hey grrrl..go easy! *Smiles* u DID portray it rather nicely..its just that the reader will always interpret it according to his own unique thinking and perspective!
:)

Cocaine Jesus said...

clever and neat and teasing. i like it a lot especially . . .

'Heat
Suffused cheeks
Permeates down.'

gulnaz said...

Pincushion, thanks for the perspective and the comment. :)

Cocaine Jesus, thank you. :)

. : A : . said...

Excellent contrast from one part to the other. I like the subtlety of "heat" and "cold" between to two. Well written!

gulnaz said...

.:A:., *big grin* thanks *big grin continues*