Saturday, May 14, 2005

Learn, learn, learn

“Born alone, we die alone, and whatever companionship and love we get between these two events, is pure luck, but not necessarily our birthright. Aloneness is our only birthright. With any determination we can turn aloneness into independence – but nobody guaranteed us love.”

Ain't love guranteed??? Well I certainly thought so. I am miffed at being so disappointed. I have been slightly bitter lately for not coming across my prince charming, I certainly thought it was my birthright; after all I have been waiting for him since I was a little girl. However, I am told its all rubbish and I must get married now, all my friends are married and with babies too, and it really doesn’t make a difference either ways, so they tell me. Therefore, I have handed over the task of finding me a lad to my parents as I have utterly failed at doing so myself. Unfortunately, even they have not yet found me that one person, whom I will want to marry. Perhaps I seek too much.

However what I regret now is that, I was so sure of securing me a prince that I totally failed to make provisions for the possibility of not finding him. I always thought that my aloneness would be over when he came along, whereas I should have struggled for becoming independent. I don’t earn my bread and I need others to make me feel secure, loved and wanted. I just did not give it enough importance or perhaps I did not try hard enough. I never was the focus of my life.

Dear God enjoys giving me lessons and it seems there is a lesson in here for me. It is just that I am in no mood to learn. Oh dear god, be kind to me and let me pass this one. When God is the teacher, there is no getting away from the lessons. I can see little flickering points of lesson and they are overwhelming me, I am not prepared for them. So for the moment I will begin by learning to focus on me, in little ways, at least.

Anyway, that passage was from Parachutes and Kisses by Erica Jong, the book I am currently reading and I wish everyone would read it. Its not new, I borrowed it from a library, a small, crumbling library.

27 comments:

Dr Vivek M said...

hm... all the best! this too shall pass...

Misreflection said...

I find its when you stop looking that you find what's best for you. I wish you the best too, realise the pressures of wanting to find that "Prince", but it will happen when the time is right I.A.( never give up HOPE)
Have you read the fear of flying by Erica Jong, it bowled me over, I think she rocks.Good choice.:)
ps:I read this many years ago, can't even recall the story that well, but I was hugely impressed at the time.

Cruel Angel said...

So, you're giving up your search for the prince? Well, personal hatred of love aside, I think you should refine your search. So many women (and I mean a lot of women) have passed up good men because they are looking for a "prince." Don't get me wrong, princes do exist, but they arn't the kind that can be seen by the naked eye. A prince could very well by that wall flower at the school dance, or the cute yet terribly shy guy at work. To hell with God's lessons. That is, unless his lesson is "try harder." Nothing can stop you from obtaining what you want, and what you deserve.

God gave YOU this life. It is yours to live out as you see fit.

Joann said...

Peek behind his mask, he just might be in disguise.

sal said...

Gulnaz, don't even think of trying. Leave it. Go with the flow babe.

Roger Stevens said...

Well, maybe you just haven't waited long enough. Maybe a prince will still come along.
Just enjoy playing with the courtiers while you're waiting.

. : A : . said...

I agree with what misreflection had to say "I find its when you stop looking that you find what's best for you."

Hang in there. The best is bound to happen.

gulnaz said...

Vivek M, thanks for the Rx and thanks for visiting.

Missy, I havent yet read the fear of flying, plan on doing so and thanks :)

Cruel Angel, you are such a sweet guy, whatever makes you call yourself cruel. :)

Joann, Hmm...a masked lover. ;)

woman, absolutely... drifting along like a leaf in a stream.

Roger Stevens, good advice :) and thanks for visiting.

.:A:., 'the best is bound to happen', i loved that....thanks!

Joel said...

I always feel badly when I read of a young person who yearns for companionship and can't find it. All I can say is that Yes, it can be hard, especially for the thoughtful and the sensitive. But don't give up and don't stop liking yourself.

mermaid said...

Gulnaz, never give up faith in your Allah.

I have a story for you. One of my best Indian friends did not find her "Prince" untill she was 31. She expected so marry a Gujarati, or at least a Hindu fellow. To her surprise, she fell in love with one of the kindest, gentlest, Muslim men, who has taught her about loving all human beings, regardless or race, sex, or creed.

They are to be married in June. I don't want this to mean you'll get married at such and such date. Who knows what's in your stars. Just know that (as all the others have already said), the most unexpected light glows, even in the darkest hours.

Have faith.

mermaid said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
M said...

Gulnaz, if it is any help....whether you look for it or you don't, if it is meant to happen it will crash you in the face...

So live on. The love you give to the world will Insha Allah be given back to you one day..:)

finnegan said...

I concur with the immortal Mr. Roger Stevens. Enjoy the drive toyour destination. You may never get to your destination, at least not in the way you dreamt it.

gulnaz said...

Joel, thanks and yes it does make you feel as if you are unlovable.

Mermaid, thanks darling for such a sweet story, i wish her happiness.

M, Inshallah. :)

Finnegan, the journey becomes the destination...well that would make me a vagabond...well...:)

finnegan said...

I've borrowed one of your erotic 'veiled' photos and turned it into a link button at my site. I like the way it dovetails with the one Transience made.

venus said...

Oh my dear, loneliness is not sad. I have also been in relationship, and out of the relationship. Happiness comes from within. If you think that 'the prince charming' you are waiting, will solve all your problems, it's a misconception. You will/are happy because you choose to be happy.
So, Be Happy, and don't worry :)

gulnaz said...

finnegan, well....thanks....:)

Venus, i'm learning that at the end of the day i am responsible for my happiness.

venus said...

heyy, I'd suggest you to read 'the alchemist' if you havnt yet. It is a reflection of simplicity and our own mind.

gulnaz said...

Venus, yes i hv read it...the whole world conspires to bring you that which you truly want, something like that....but it seems i havent learned much from it. :(

Pincushion said...

Hang in there my dear! Sometimes what we want is not necessarily the best thing for us..and things happen when they are meant to happen! Meanwhile don't keep life waiting..waiting for that one thing to happen and you'll find all sorts of unexpected things to happen..some good some bad but allll enriching!
Sorry about that lecture..cdn't resist..LOL
Cheers love :)

gulnaz said...

Pincushion, thanks and i don't mind the lecture one bit. ;)

bablu said...

"Love will find a way". and yes the longer you wait, the better the prince will be. I asked a clairvoyant and he says he sees a prince charming coming GS's way. Cheers !!!

gulnaz said...

bablu, you did really, ooooooh thanks lol.

SuniL said...

Hey Gulnaz,
Love that piece..as grim as it sounds. Will check it out. I'm a voice out of nowhere but I hope to be around till your prince comes along..love, warmth and god bless.

gulnaz said...

thanks sunil keep coming. :)

Nav Amole said...

for the first italicised para, i would like to say that Life, Love and death are The three great things in existence. Life has already happened. Death is going to happen, it is a certainty. In a way, it has already happened with birth: you have already taken one step into the grave at the birth. The day you are born, half of the journey is complete; the remaining half will take a little time, or a little more. With life, death has also penetrated you. Now only one thing remains to be done that you can do. Something that depends on you, and that is love. And because it depends on you, there is every possibility that you may miss it.

ruby said...

I too have had many lessons over and over again, n havent really learnt much from them :-) , but then this is what makes our life unique and you the person you are.
Its very unsettling when life doesnt take the predictable course its supposed to take and you see it happen all around you.
But i feel its easy to be one of the many who lead predictable lives, its some unique trait in us that nature choses to deal us a different set of cards and its up to us to make the most of them, as you are doing.
If "prince charming " had happend along earlier for you we wud all have been deprived of your excellent company . :-) And i hope you keep on writeing even when HE does show up.