Saturday, July 30, 2005

thank you!!

I have been so overwhelmed reading all the lovely and encouraging comments and emails to my last post that I feel I have no right to complain at all.
Thank you guys, it means a lot more to me than I can say here!

It is almost five in the evening and after a morning of unblemished sunlight, some naughty clouds have been gathering to make merry and wash us all down with some rain. Some silly friend of my cousin has come to pick him up and is honking like he has invented it, I want to drape him over the wheel and make him croak!

Drinking tea
Morning breathes
On moist skin

I have discovered that if you put a teaspoon or so of orange marmalade to a cup of green tea, it tastes and smells divine. The delicate smell of orange blended with the aroma of tea and the warm reddish colour of the drink, its totally worth trying.

Mama wants me to go out with her somewhere, anywhere and I am not in the mood to do so. I would have to change out of these dirty rags, put on my lenses etc not that I always do this but ma gets angry with me when I step out of the house looking like a crumpled bed sheet. If I don’t go, I will feel guilty so I guess I will, leaving you with a poem I found some days back. Heard a few of its lines in a movie, then a friend told me the name of the poem. Its by Dylan Thomas and it is beautiful. I went on to read some more of his poems and he is fabulous!!! Enjoy!

And Death Shall Have No Dominion
by: Dylan Thomas

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

me in the mirror

I have a problem. I get very deeply affected by issues in my little world. I get so perturbed and petrified that I almost lose my balance; I definitely lose my piece of mind. I hate this about myself yet I just don't know how to remain unaffected or at least not to this extent. These issues affect my life or the thing known formerly as life.

I am not a great beauty but I have a very transparent face. If I am feeling good, I can pass off as nice but I am feeling bad, I can give Salvador Dali serious competition. Harmony and peace are not just words for me; they must exist in my world for me to feel good. I am not talking about quiet and ambient music but more than that. Everything should be in its place, revolving own its own axis, happy in their world and I feel content. This is not a realistic way of looking at things.

When I give of myself I give totally from the triumvirate of mind-body-soul. A kind word, a cheerful smile, friendly banter, these are the things I give for and when I don’t get them I feel so rejected…utterly lost and angry. Oh I can be angry, though my rage is usually not a show which runs on many theaters, its usually for private and exclusive viewing, usually my own.

There is a nerve, which runs from my brow to my forehead which sorts of stands out when I am tense, and I look so very sad then. I looked at myself in the mirror just now and I turned my face away…for I could not bear to look at myself so…did not even recognize myself. The worst part was my role in it.
Nothing is worth these stifled sobs.

morning breeze
gently shaking
water from her hair

morning breeze
" keep looking

Saturday, July 23, 2005

secret cries

follow the scent of night-flowers to me. lay down now on sheets crisp and clean. my name on your tongue, secret cries. noises in my head drowned in your heartbeat.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Old trees
Stand guard
All night.


Night sky
Blush-stained and bruised
Carries the moon.

Monday, July 18, 2005

on attraction

Is there any feeling more subtle, more delicate, more intoxicating and more delicious than the feeling of being attracted to somebody? I doubt it. Whether one chooses to act upon it or not, that is not the point. It may not always be wise to act upon such feelings and acting upon them might even break the spell sometimes.

However, just pause, consider and relish in your mind, how your body feels, your mind too the time when find yourself drawn irresistibly towards this other person. It is almost as transient as scent and as inexplicable too. Fragrance, leaves its traces on you that are there yet not quite; like a half-revealed secret, tantalizing. For somebody like me, who would rarely act upon such feelings, it has got an even more piquant taste to it.

There is a certain tiny fuchsia flower, which use to grow in my lawn in little pots. It had dark green leaves and its petals were very soft as petals will be. For some reason, I use to love rubbing the petals of this tiny flower between my fingers, and they would leave a faint pinkish stain on them. I would furtively rub that stain on my lips. Damn, Ma should have allowed me to wear lipstick much sooner. It was not as if it would colour my lips even slightly but still I liked my lips to be imbued with the grassy, slightly bitter taste of that flower, which only I knew was there on my lips.

Like a stain it leaves its marks on you, the telltale signs.


angel-A: dear Gulnaz and all your fellow bloggers, i want to share with you the photo-art of one of my friend - Sakura. if you follow this link you'll find a wonderful example of how one person can touch other lives through 'heartprints'.

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

thank you, and, gulnaz, i hope you don't mind that i use your blog to connect people to this beautiful person who left this world too early and whose tragical leave let many people to think once again how precious and fragile the life is and how meaningful are the connections between us.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

growind old

laughter lines
worry lines too
mum's tree rings.

clean rooms
in tidy corners.

Warm dinners
with aching feet.
growing old.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


Eating bananas is good for your skin, good for the bones too. Bananas may even keep your blood pressure down, its the potassium, you see. Though maybe not your weight if you have too many of them at one go. Also you might look like a baboon with the banana peels lying around you while you bare you teeth at whoever points out the resemblance. Still, bananas are good for you; eat one, once daily.

I feel this world has got patches of banana peel; camouflaged in smooth words and nice hands. You know them, when you slip on them and there is no way you will know beforehand about them.

So, eat your bananas. Know your bananas, that is the only way you will have experience with the banana peels and maybe you will get good at catching yourself before you fall.

Bananas are good for you; eat one, once daily.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

running on time

It was still early in the evening but it felt late. It felt very late. Maybe it was the raindrops, which were falling down in a hurry, chasing her down the road. Drenched in raindrops, she felt warm still. -Why do you have to hurry, you don't have to go nowhere, enjoy this, a part of her said. -No, no, its getting late, she rebuked herself. Why this obsession with lateness?? -Everything has its time and this is time for here. She thought she heard the man standing under the eaves of the cafe say this. Of course, he did not; he was just watching her, steam off his coffee, hands warm about the cup. He was watching a world go by, getting late for nothing.

Monsoon showers
Soaking you
On me

morning breathes
on moist skin

her body curved
a smile

Monday, July 11, 2005

Tagged by Lorena

Rules : Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs.
1. Modigli
Babbling Brooke
Cannot Be Trusted
Every Passing Moment
5. ~Apple-Pathways~

The top five things I miss about my childhood are:

1. I miss goofing around with my brothers, even though it got me into a lot of trouble with my parents. I miss fighting with them; I could actually throw them down then. Maybe they were just letting me feel good about myself but it did feel good. We would be constantly turning the house upside down with our make-believe games. Poor Ma! One of the games was covering the floor with talcum powder and then sliding across the smooth floor, bare feet, dangerous too but I don’t remember getting hurt. I use to fight with my brothers all the time but the moment dad would scold them, I would start crying.

2. Every Sunday, till I was about 9 or 10, Dad use to give us a shower, shampoo our hair etc all three of us together in this big bathroom of ours, while we stood waiting our turn in our undies. My kid brother (the fourth one) was too young to join us. We would then catch this English movie later; usually a western or a martial art movie, in a small cinema on Sundays, the matinee show. I miss that.

3. I miss listening to stories. My dad has got a good voice and he would read to us sometimes, I even remember recording one of his renditions once. I use to love listening to stories and I had our maid, uncles, grandma, aunts, next-door neighbor-boy, almost anyone who would agree to tell me a story.

4. My mama’s aunt would come down to our town sometimes, perhaps to lend her a hand. (poor mama, now when I look back I deserve every thrashing I ever got and then some more.) she would make the best tomato-chutney in the world. I make a mean one myself but it somehow never tastes quite like hers, not even my mother can make it like her and my mother is the best cook in the world. She, is very very old now, last when I met her she was so frail and though tall, she seemed to have shrunk. I keep telling myself she is fine, I feel guilty for not being there for her, she lives in another city and then there is life, something which seems to have passed her by.

5. I flunked my class fourth examinations because I did not get the passing marks required in mathematics, I was short of a few points. Otherwise I had done well but the rule was if one failed in English, hindi or maths, one would not be promoted even if one got passing marks overall. I came back home, all flustered with shame and before I could say anything, I met dad in the door way and he just enveloped me in his big arms and I felt so OK!
Hey Lo I had great fun with this, thanks! It bought back wonderful memories and some more. It was just the thing to do on a rainy day. Gracias.

Now its my turn to tag and I tag:
Jamie Dawn
Johnny Crash
Russell Ragsdale
Sue Hardy-Dawson
Patry Francis

I would enjoy reading your answers if you choose to post them and please, it is not limited to the above 5 only.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

address lost

on a beautiful day smokeblackenedthesun. beyond the borders, shouts and cries; itssafeinside. the neighbour's screams ricochets of deaf walls. clothes,bonestissuesandtyre -burning pyres. later, silence. echoesundnightmares
indifferent sunshine over congealed blood.