Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Nothing new

You drive me crazy with your madness for more. It’s never enough or its never good enough. I am so tired, I look in your eyes and I can almost taste the bile in your words, the bile on your tounge.
I gave you more than I could, I never held back anything and you took it, you took it all with your grubby greedy hands but then you wiped your hands off your sweet lips and you spit on my face.
I am losing my mind. I am losing you. You stand in a corner always berating me. I am scared of you. Vacuous smiles and empty words are all that you have for me. You are a burden I must bear. You tear my heart to pieces and then you chew those bits of my heart, even as I look on.


I thought you will change, I thought this will be a new day, oh sure, its a new day but nothing new about you.

this did not happen to me.

41 comments:

M said...

Such hatred....interesting..

eden said...

oh my gush! i thought it happened to you .....

nice posting! oh by the way thanks for always dropping by and visit my blog :)

transience said...

oh wow. the rage is very palpable. a new perspective into you and your writing...

mermaid said...

Even flowers have thorns. This is another side to you. Not unpleasant, just honest. Keep the writing coming (not necessarily on this blog). It's such a healing tool, especially when you unearth the root of your anger.

Lorena said...

love the way you use the words (font, size) to convey such chaotic feelings!!

a lot of anger and resentment. hope you never find yourself with someone who can make you feel like this, ok :)

~Kassy~ said...

Hi you don't know me but I really like that poem thingy it's very expressive and sad and angry and pure brilliance it caught my eye immediately Bye Kassy xoxo

Jamie Dawn said...

Well, whoever it happened to now has a great way of VENTING in a poetic way, of course.

bablu said...

Interesting !!!

Misreflection said...

another side of you GS, rage is never beyond anyone even angels..;)
Hey vent it do whatever, you'll come round, change can only come from you , not others around you. I like this style, shows guts , determination and power.. Hang in there..And go back to who ever provoked this and thank them, for in truth its those types of people that actually make you grow..with time of course..

NicoleBraganza said...

The FONT size makes it aLL the mOrE
E-M-P-H-A-T-I-C! Did I tell you...
I am luvvin the Attitude!?..!

sal said...

Woop! Make that double... Woop woop!

That was something!
Something new from you. Cool Cool.

Cool Gul. Hee hee.

Toodles.

Ps: Keep smiling.

venus said...

wow, the bolds really scream out the emotions behind it. I also almost thought that this happened to u, thankgoodness.

finnegan said...

Amazing the contrast from your post following your niece's birth! The human heart is such an amazing and fragile thing, as witnessed here.
Like Trans mentions, this is a new perspective into the person behind the words.

jonny ragel said...

"You are a burden I must bear"

wow. that really sets me back. I'll be thinking about this one today. thankyou for being so transparent.

Sue hardy-Dawson said...

I like the way you change the size of the font it gives the impression of the turmult of high emotions that it conveys

Patry Francis said...

When you are most honest and naked and vulnerable, when you feel most alone, that's when you come into true communion with others.

You are there.

Rajesh said...

Phew.. ! Thats some very heavy writing. First time here and woman, I AM impressed, with your writing :)

small squirrel said...

wow... this is interesting... I like your use of fonts to highlight certain words... but more importantly the words stand on their own.

I could never write this convincingly about something that had not happened to me. Good for you... the hallmark of someone with imagination!

Arch Storm said...

the varying font size intensifies the effect! man! u cerianly feel something!

neel said...

As the others have said, venting is healthy. Your words are incredibly descriptive in portraying your rage. I nearly missed the very last line. If this did not happen to you, where did all the emotion come from? Perhaps you should be a writer of an actor. Very impressive.

Geetanjali said...

The racy text with his hard-edged tone coupled with the use of font for effect totally reminded me of e.e.cummings who very often used font and spacing of words on his page to further the impact of his verse!

Geetanjali said...

I meant THIS hard-edged tone, not HIS ;-)

. : A : . said...

Very strong. Interesting use of font sizes to bring out emotions.

Sk8RN said...

Wow. Such power and such venom. Would this be the sinner/sour side of your life? Certainly makes life rich, though it doesn't sound very fun.

gulnaz said...

M, :)

eden, hey i like to go to your blog, you write so simply and wisely and so positively. i need positives in my life.

trans, thank you! :)

mermaid, i try my best to write honestly, no point otherwise.

Lo, i hope nobody has to feel like this.

groper, thanks for liking its so! welcome! :)

Jamie, its important to release the negative stuff and hopefully to do it without hurting anyone else.

bablu, really? ;)

Missy, for in truth its those types of people that actually make you grow..with time of course.. Boy are you right!!!

woman, teehehe and you make me giggle silly. :)

venus, i was trying to emphasise the words, thanks. :)

finn, yes the human heart is really fragile, its the easiest thing to break!

Johnny, thanks for appreciating jon. i hope you wont be forced to bear any burdens now or later.

Sue, yes sue i was trying to convey tumult and chaos with the font variations.

Patry Francis, honest, naked and vulnerable, that's how a child is. thanks for your wonderful comment, i hope you visit again.

Rajesh, well i hope this is not your last time, keep coming and it feels good to impress. :):)

small squirrel, u flatter me! but am glad u do. :) :)

Arch Storm, Oh i felt it for sure while writing it! welcome aboard! :)

Neel, emotions are universal neel and that is why you can appreciate it. thank u so much!

Geebaby, i did not realise i was emulating cummings, but am i flattered to remind you of him!!! sometimes back i use to record tapes for freinds and family and make such lovely covers by mixing fonts, pics, colours etc. i like fonts etc. :)

.:A:., the strength of the week, A. thanks for appreciating. ;)

Sk8RN, there are only moments of fun in life, brief and fleeting probably that is why they are 'fun'. power and venom, thanks for using these adjectives. I'm so sorry i hv not been able to visit your blog recently, my loss. :(

Mirzaghalib said...

Damn Gulnaz, you scared me at first then everything cooled down. Must tell ya, its an amazing way to express the gesture. all I can is wow, wow, wow and me wows. :)

rajesh said...

Linked you up :) Hope thats Okai.

gulnaz said...

Ghalib, sorry didnt meant to scare you, thanks for appreciating it so strongly! :):)

gulnaz said...

of course its Okaye rajesh :)

Nicole, thank you so much for liking it so girl, its encouraging! :)

Art said...

hi,
first time here... nice blog u have... and good post... :)

Vasu the terrible said...

pheww... Intense is the word. Are people really that intense or too much thinking makes them so.. I am totally frivilous and light. Anyway was a nice change and did think about all that was said..

vasu

stan laurel said...

Sorry it has been a while. I think I lost your blog somewhere, but I made my way back.

This piece is raw and powerful. I love your use of the physical space, choosing to make certain key phrases larger and/or bold. It is almost an experiment with the concrete. Well done.

It is pretty amazing that you wrote this and it didn't even happen to you. The voice in the poem certainly sounds personal.

Baejaar said...

After lifting the readers with increasing crescendo, you surprised us by the last statement. Couldnt help admiring the post.

anumita said...

Someone told me you need to experience to write. You are doing a brilliant job sans the experience.

gulnaz said...

Art, thanks, good to have 'art' on my blog. :)

Vasu the terrible, thanks! ;)

Stan, glad you found your way back. :)

thank you and thank you! :)

Baejaar, i wonder what your name means? thank you so much, i hope you visit again.

anumita, thanks but the emotions are mine if not the experience.

Jyotsna said...

I liked the way,the emphatic way you have used the font size to drive home the feelings and emotions within:)

Joel said...

It's good to introduce unexplored emotions into your writing. The best stuff is often that which causes paralysis in your hands as you attempt to write it.

Mr. Quipster said...

I feel sorry for the one who, if ever, had to face these words. they are so much like a bristle-storm right in the face. read a couple of your posts so far, the palpability of emotions seems so real.

gulnaz said...

Jyo, I played with the fonts because I felt it would emphasise the chaos, glad you liked it.

Joel, sometimes the stuff that I want to write about, i don't for the very reason, there is a lot i keep shut away even from myself.

Mr Quipster, thanks mister and welcome aboard. :) since this was imaginary no actual person was hurt in the making of this post. :)

Potted-flower said...

Ouch. Hate to get in the bad side of you. Why did you change your pic? like em both though

gulnaz said...

PF, lol, don't worry you will never be on my bad side. :)
changed the pic, coz i don't like to see my face that often. glad u like the new pic. thanks. :)