Friday, August 26, 2005


For a long time now, I would feel that my ears were sort of blocked. My hearing was not affected so I did not bother about it but then the day before yesterday I felt a passing and brief spell of vertigo on waking up. It was a sort of a dizzy sensation and I felt a slight nausea too. I went to see the doctor about it later and he told me that it was to do with my ‘blocked’ ear…. it had affected my sense of balance. It is nothing to worry about and its not that bad either. He has given me couple of medicines for it but they make me feel drowsy and lethargic. Apart from that short dizzy spell, I felt ok better than what I am feeling now with the meds, am tempted to stop them. What stops me is what he said about if not treated it gets worse, so though there is nothing to worry about now, untreated it might be a problem later on.

Like all life’s problems; solve a tiny niggling problem now, even though it might not feel good doing so, will save you from a major headache later on.

Last night, when I was raiding the refrigerator, I found myself wishing that my life were like somebody else’s, to be more specific, that I was somebody else. It probably was the guilt at bingeing. It struck me that it would make little difference, if I were another, I would be simply exchanging one set of problems with another and further that each of us has been given certain traits specific to solving our peculiar set of problems. What difference does it make then which set of problems we are solving? Its my own peculiarities that I need to work upon. It is my own skirt that needs straightening. Only weak people like me wish for different circumstances. Besides could I handle somebody else's problems? I'd probably feel like a fish out of water there! Its so much easy to blame others, even if its that sinful bar of chocolate and that piece of cheese lying in the refrigerator! mamma!!

I think for me lasting peace lies in being able to master my own mind without tormenting it.


irina said...

It seems you have figured out what to do about this. I am so familiar with this situation... knowing what you have to get out of it, yet finding it so damn hard to actually do it. All seems within reach but somehow you never reach.
But no despair, we´ll come to an end, I promise!

Lorena said...

yes, they say to be careful when looking at someone else and wishing you had their life because you don't know the inner turmoils they can be going through. some people wear masks that really cover their true feelings. still they say we can't hide what we feel, that it shows in our face.

did you eat the chocolate? i just finished some guilt-free dark chocolate :)

M said...

Sweetie, you are not are simply human...a good human I might add, who acknowledges her own weakness with panache and wisdom

Perfect Virgo said...

Very well observed G. Another's life, which appears so faultless and serene on the surface, may be full of unvoiced problems. At least we have the ability to dig into our own souls and look for answers to our own problems.

deewani said...

They say the grass is greener on the other side. I think when we are going through the downs in life we often wish we were someone else. But as you said no one knows what that other person has going on inside their head. I always smile and keep my troubles hidden in front of people. Only when I feel comfortable with the person I am with will I let my guard down.

Russell Ragsdale said...

Start with the idea m put so perfectly well and then just use the one perfect pattern I know: forgive and try again; keep repeating this pattern until you find the 'being and feeling you' that supports your spirit. And, pardon the superficiality but, a day without chocolate is a day wasted!

lazydad said...

Hio gulnaz- first time here.. came from KJ's.. lovely blog- open straight forward and so very simple.. read a lot of ur earlier posts- likes the one on the old shoebox..will coame back for more reading- all the best..

Anonymous said...

i was just talking to someone about similar things and your final line is what got me...i'm stealing that quote from u to give to him...he needs to hear that. thank YOU.

Lynn Gazis-Sax said...

I had a similar problem a few months ago, first with an ear getting blocked and then with dizziness. In my case, it turned out to be something called benign positional vertigo, where some crystals get out of place in your ear, and the doctor had me do a set of movements that fixed it. But it was annoying while it lasted, because the dizziness would come on worst when I was in bed at night, if I happened to roll over.

Hope yours continues to stay away.

iamnasra said...

Inshallah all your troubles will be out of sight..Some time you get all this problems, I think at times God remind us, that we not merely a soul we are also this fregile body and we are amony his creation.

Santanu said...

I was about to inform you, but am pleased to note that you have found the way out of the spam comments problem :-)
By the way, to avoid envying others lives, I always tell myself that they all have worse problems, but yet manage to smile better than me, so why not learn to smile like them!!!

Nurse Mia said...

I like your comment about how wishing you were someone else would just be trading problems. You're so right. We all have problems. And I might as well deal with the ones I got rather than start over with new ones. :-) Thanks for that reminder.

Khakra said...

I hear ya totttallly. i felt the same when i listened to music on an earphone. So I went to the ENT (Otolaryngologist) and here is what I went through:

1) Tried to rule out allergies -- ear jams up if you have many colds, coughs etc. Ears, nose and throat are all connected, so if anyone is jammed, it could jam the ear as well. I started two anti-allergents, both steroid based, which had so many side effects that I stopped it. If it isn't that, it could be labyrinthitis: which leads to point 2

2) Labyrinthitis is excessive fluid inside the inner ear that sends random signals to the brain, which leads to dizziness. Nausea could be a labyrinthitis symptom, but of course, I'm not a doc, so only a doc will be able to certify that. This stuff goes away over a period of time, or based on hearing tests and inner ear and vestibular testing. Inner ear fluid flows cannot be found by the usual ear inspection devices that doctors use, as its deep inside the ear. go to webmd -dot- com and type in labyrinthitis. it's got great info about the tests, exams, diagnosis etc.

There's a battery of tests that need to be done, so the quicker you get them done the better. Did your doc mention labyrinthitis? Of course, there could be other reasons. The doc knows best. Trying to help out here.

But remember: every person gets dizzy atleast once in a lifetime!!

. : A : . said...

"I think for me lasting peace lies in being able to master my own mind without tormenting it."

So very true.

Hope you get better soon.

Rat said...

I have this problem sometimes too. Hope your feeling better.

Mridula said...

Gulnaz, with a talent with words like yours, you still want to be someone else? Strange does it sound to my ears. Work up with this talent and go after whatever dreams you have.

And above all please get well soon.

gulnaz said...

Irina- yes its tough like that and despair is easy but well... :)

Lorena- i had the chochlate but the guilt made it taste bitter! :( You are right, its really childish to think like that. My face shows what i feel and its an annoying thing, believe me! A mask is much better but lorena very few ppl care enough to want to peek behind your mask, those who do are your freinds.

M- and you get ten goodness points for saying that, my child!! i want to overcome my weaknesses and belive me, i have quite a few. ;)

PV- thanks! sometimes my mind does come up with something sensible. :) Everytime i talk to somebody, i end up listening to their problems and i feel so bitchy complaining about mine. My dad's uncle and his wife were here last week and his wife had this strangely wonderful way of laughing at every problem. then one day, she, my mum and another aunty were sitting together talking about their problems and laughing after a lil bit of tittering. watching them made me realise that their laughter is their way of coping with what they cannot change. they might not seem like sages but this one thing about them is something i want to learn, deeply.

Deewani- When i wish i am another, it is because i get so disgusted by myself and that is when i wish i was somebody else, wiser and stronger. no sense in that! :)
you don't blog much, so i don't get to ask you this, i really hope life is treating you better now?

Russell- thanks you are quite a teacher, an inherent teacher! i'm going to try and follow your plan...and maybe get a nibble of a choclate too. :)

lazydad- Hey that was so sweet of you!! please do come again!! also leave a link to your blog, so that i can visit yours too. :)

Mitzee- that line if it works for your freind will have justified its existence in space. :) thanks! :)

Lynn- yes i know about positional vertigo, my dad had it two years back when we had gone to kashmir for a holiday. the problem started almost as soon as we got there. when we came back, the doctors suspected something worse, did an mri of his brain but it turned out the be positional vertigo. he would also feel it when he rolled over but the dr here gave him lots of drugs but no exercise. initally, i thought i had this but my problem is of a far smaller magnitude. in any case seeing me lie in the bed for two days made my mother actually sick and she started complaing of not feeling well, which in turn makes me get up. thanks so much though! :)

nasra- sometimes my faith is not very strong, i'm ashamed to admit it though but i talk such crap, saying stuff like he doesnt care and such. hope he forgives me.

Santa- actually you are right but i am not a grumpy person. in fact i smile a lot. :)

Nurse Mia- ah a nurse just when am feeling unwell, god has sent you my way! :) thanks for coming by please come again.:)

Khakra- thank you so much for all this information, it was very thoughtful and kind of you! the dr told me its proably due to some allergy/cold. i have a slightly deviated septum which gives me sinus like symtoms in the morning. he did not mention labyrinthitis. i will ask him about it when i go to him after a week. he is an ent. he did a few audiometry tests to test my hearing which was normal, so thank god. he has told me to inhale steam twice a day, which i dont do as its irritating. gave me an anti-allergen and another drug, which i'm going to fing out if its a steroid, am hoping its not.

the only time that i would not mind being dizzy will have nothing to do with medical problems. :)

.:A:. - i am feeling much better now, thanks! :)

gulnaz said...

Rat- i was just thinking of visiting your blog! :)

Mridula- its hardly a talent but well it sure is kind of you to call it so love! hugs!

KJ said...

me too suffering from positional vertigo. 2 yrs back it was at its worst. having blackouts n fainting spells every 5 mins. i was at home w/o work for ard one n half yr. cud not wrk in that condition. then i started homeopathy & am much better now. but still cannot turn around quickly or else i might get the dizzy spell again.

"I think for me lasting peace lies in being able to master my own mind without tormenting it." staright from the heart. sweetie, u r human, humans have weakness's, there is nothing wrong abt it.

i hope that u feel better soon!!!
go n finish off the Cheese N then the choclates in the fridge. G.A

take care


finnegan said...

I tried straightening what I thought was my own skirt once, only later realising it was neither wrinkled nor mine.

I no longer do irons.

The bluejeans I wear nowadays are comfortable enough. The good thing is that they look better when worn and tattered. I matches my mind.

I just have to remind myself that the ill-winds of fortune can be kept out by buttoning the fly.

Misreflection said...

Gs, your last line says it all.. something you spend a life time trying to get right.. wishing you were someone else, don't we all, I call that dreams.. nice to have but only meant for times when there are no books to read and the Tv's on the blink.. Weaknesses, hey we all have them, it helps having "ears" around sometimes thats all we need to vent. Today I cried on my " ears" letting out all my insecurities of going away without him as I can't bear being away from him too long, and all he did was listen. He knows me well enough to know what I can do and what I can't and what I'm capable of and in my heart I know that too .. So do you..

Potted-flower said...

I have permanently blocked ears, which means my permanently crappy balance. Ears suck.

superflywebpimp said...

Sir Winston Churchill once said, "Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiam."

gulnaz said...

KJ- poor baby! your positional vertigo sounds really bad, worse than dad's. am surprised that homeopathy worked for you, i don't have much faith in it but good if it worked for you. although just today in the papers, it said that homeopathic medicines are not better than placebos besides i saw a programme on bbc, panorama, showing numerous tests etc proving that it doesnt work.

thank you so much for caring! i am quite fond of cheese! :) hugs and u 2 take care!

finn- LOL you are soo funny!! :))

Missy- aww that was soo sweet! god bless you and your ears, your relationship is beautiful! :))

PF- lol, try inhaling steam or getting a helmet and knee pads. :)

superflywebpimp- wow, that was indeed wise and worth emulating. its the enthusiasm which runs out first. thanks.

finnegan said...

Oh, Gulnaz, regarding your eating habits, here's a quote I found from Dave Barry that you might appreciate:

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

finnegan said...

"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."

-Jim Davis

Neel said...

many people are affected by emotional eating. i remember the first time i realized that i was doing it because i was anxious, my brother said something about how much i was eating and i just kept going. i still do it, but i realize when i am doing it, and like you, i feel guilty afterwards. it helps to keep things that are low in calories on hand like sticks of celery. i hope you are feeling better.

sirbarrett said...

Thank you for this post Gulnaz. I think you'll help yourself do yourself better. Get those little details sorted out so that the big things come easy.

gulnaz said...

Finn- lol, great quotes! thanks! :))

Neel- i know its a terrible feeling. after shedding the puppy fat, i was fine for years but the last three years have been a bit rough and that is when i started eating 'emotionally' but hv realised my mistake and am getting back on the track! :) thanks! take care!

Sirbarrett- thanks! i am glad you think so, just read your post on this, great! :)

Pallavi said...

hubby got similar syndrome.. and got treated.. at least he seems okay for a while.. .. dont know if its the same.. you need to stay away from rich sodium diet and exercise... show a reputed ENT.. it will be okay.. hugsss

Potted-flower said...

hehehe. that made me giggle.