Sunday, April 03, 2005

Yellow Roses 'n Time

Yellow roses, dry as paper, I stuck them around a small, circular wicker candle stand. The faded yellow of the roses looks good against the rich brown wicker. Then I added a small white candle, which K made from used candles on top of the arrangement. Now every time I pass it, sitting pretty in the drawing room, it reminds me that creativity is about playing with things and ideas. It tells me how things new and old can come together, to form something altogether different. K is my sister-in-law and neither of us believes ourselves to be particularly creative, yet we managed to put together something sweet. K and I are on a creative trip nowadays, she has started sketching and drawing on tiles and fabric and using M-seal to make tiny objects. I am doing some embroidery for my mum and some more such stuff.

I had bought those roses from a florist, almost a month back, I was longing for yellow roses. I was longing to see sunlight fall on them from a window. I had bought some tiny white flowers too, they almost seemed like a spray of mist around the yellow roses. I had enjoyed drinking tea and Kahwa while looking at my yellow roses. The wicker stand was from Orissa, a coastal state in Southern India, bought years ago by my parents when they had gone there with a friend and his family. The friend is no more and their family has developed new and strange values.

The intricacy of the folds of the flowers is heightened by their fragility. There is a meaning here, which I am not being able to grasp right now. The only lesson coming to my head is, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize and drink more water, to keep my skin looking young and fresh. Most of the times I cannot be bothered but then suddenly somewhere, on a day like today when I have not even washed my face, I will start worrying about stuff like wrinkles and growing old. There was an article in the newspaper today about how living healthy can make our bodies biologically younger than their chronological age. Don’t smoke, exercise, sleep on time, don’t fret and don’t stop learning that was the gist of the article. Hmmm…sounds good and do-able.

Hmmm, fretting I thought only dad does it, but I have noticed I too fret rather more frequently than is good for me. Its scary how we pick up our parents bad habits, while all along swearing we would be better. So much, for good intentions, makes me feel like a fraud now for getting angry all those times with him for worrying too much. He has mellowed over the years. As kids we were scared stiff of running into him when he was in a bad mood, as we would end up making it worse for him. Growing up taught me how difficult those years were for him, makes me appreciate and respect him more than ever now, yet we still have a reserve between us. I am still the scared girl trying to stand up to him but now he doesn’t seem like the giant that he used to be and I feel mean and nasty when I reply back sharply. Perspectives change with time.

14 comments:

Misreflection said...

lovely GS, just taking a break from sorting out all the rubbish I've accumulated and decided to read some blogs, yours being the first,I guess we're all creative in diff ways huh, still trying to figure out where mine lies, think I missed my cue , should have been an actress,so full of drama at times.Growing old..most womens nightmare mine too.. my partner is my inspiration, he's so cool about it all and can't understand what the fuss is all about.Trying to get him to use some anti wrinkle cream is like trying to give your cat a bath, I normally wait till he's asleep.Turning into your parents , hey thats inevitable to some extent, I see my mum in me much too often nowadays it scares the shit out of me.Time changes so much , my mum who was once a hard strict woman bringing us up without a dad, he died when I was fairly young, is now a mellow granny, overlooking much when it comes to her granchild. yeah right! we usually got the stick, esp me cos I was a brat and did exactly as I pleased, but my son , well he's just the apple of her eye and believe me he's no angel.

Enjoy your creation... : )

gulnaz said...

missy - *big smile*, thanks a ton for your comments!;)

bablu said...

Creativity - everybody's got something hidden in them. Go ahead and use your imagination to run wild. Yeah we do mellow down with age.

M said...

Yellow...the colour of life and sunshine....you write poetically and mystically....How old are you?

From my 29 years-going on 509, I can only smile...I think I am past the stage of romance....

My blog is frozen until I find some inspiration...i've been too "normal" lately...hence the lack of inspiration:)

sal said...

you write so well gulnaz. mine's full of shit. oops! hehe..

yellow roses represents friendship i think. i'll give you one :P

Pincushion said...

Yellow roses! Sigh..
they've always been my fav, something about them feels like yearning and longing rather than the screaming passion of a red rose...
Ahhh talkin about age at your age ??!! My dear enjoy life and forget about age..theres still miles to go..ask somebody who knows and who's oooooold..
meaning ME! lol..
and I loved..
'Perspectives change with time..'
Indeed!

Thank you for droppin by on my blog,,i shall surely be back!
:)

Akruti said...

Hmm,perspective does change with time,but then the core values will be the same forever:)) strange but i find totally opposite of my mom,i dont know how it would be in future,but as of now i dont find anything which resembles me with her,but till date,she is my best friend:))
Creativity,some has it with words,some ahs it with articles,and some with silence:)) u sure have a way with the words dii,keep up the good work.
Oh,by the way,i wanted to say this:) me and my friend "R" were never in love:) he is my best buddy.and i lost faith in love when someone left me last year:)

gulnaz said...

bablu, unearthing something within us is not easy, at times it even feels like grave-diggin ;)

M, good to c u back girl, was wondering where u hd disappeared. don't ask my age, my b'day is coming up later in the month, its a milestone age and its FREAKING me out!! I am so happy with your praises though i feel you are being waaaaaaaaaay too kind, but it feels nice to write, though i honestly don't know what to write about most of the time. u hv been busy leading your life, write about that, u write so well yourself.

Woman, thanx and eagerly awaiting roses :) and hey your blog is sexy not shitty, wish i had the guts to write about my fantasies or some such naughty stuff, lol ;)

Pincushion, what a quaint and sweet name, but its sad too, given its function. Anyway, thank you for dropping by, come again. :) Yea, yellow roses are cheerful and i'm glad you liked what i wrote...you are an artist. growing older saddens me coz i hv wasted my life and it feels like time is running out, oh i feel like a dead mummy.....btw, u don't sound old, oh plz lets not talk age! :)

Neelima, gracias senorita :) with dad and me, its like we r too similar and probably that is why we quarrel so often, though we love each other to bits, with mum its easier, i hv learned the world from her and can even say it, sometimes. :) Hey don't lose hope, just because one relationship did not work out, nobody loves me but i hope on, regardless. there r all sorts of reasons why relationships don't last.
best buddies shd be held on to even more strongly. there is bad blood between my and my best freinds' family we r best of freinds, we can read each others thoughts and make each other laugh or cry together. i sort of lost touch with her in between but never stop thinking of each other as freinds. i'm sure u too think of R, like that, still don't mean to be preachy, its just that freindship is one of the most precious and understated relationship.

bablu said...

Gul - yes unearthing something from within is indeed difficult, gravedigging..hmm..amusing...
Yeah I agree with U that Womans blog is sexy... Agree with u that b'coz 1 relationship did'nt work out one should not shut the door.

Faraz said...

A Yellow rose for the wonderful writer in you. I really enjoyed reading this post :)

. : A : . said...

I like the way your post flitted from one thought to another while running a delicate thread through all of them. It is strange how objects like yellow roses, wicker stands, etc can bring out so much in us.

gulnaz said...

Faraz, thank you for your encouraging words and for the lovely rose :):) really liked it, its very pretty.

.:A:. i look forward to your appreciation, gracias amigo, although the praise makes me a tad nervous too.

Anonymous said...

donde esta tu otra mitad, ¿ por que la escondes?

gulnaz said...

Anon...sadly i don't understand the language which you have used, write in english, if you please.