Thursday, April 14, 2005

Color me least for now.

Colors surely tell some part of our story. As a kid, I use to love red. My first school bag was a letterbox red. It was a hardtop box; square like a tiny valise and it had a scratchy surface, the way my knees use to feel after school. I use to wear red ribbons in my hair then and red blooms from my garden were my preferred, shy offerings to my favourite teachers. However somewhere down the line, although I still liked red but I no longer felt comfortable wearing it. I started believing that I looked silly in it. That it was too bright and flashy for me.

Its funny how seriously we take our silly notions about ourselves. Around this time I became a serious-minded girl, with scary glasses and untidy hair. I use to look down upon make-up, refuse to wear it because I believed it would be like lying to the world. I was deeply attracted to beige and went on to graduate to all shades of browns. I was the girl, who would walk around the school grounds with hands dug deep down in my blazer pockets, sleeves pushed back to elbows and down-cast eyes. I was painfully shy around this time and had a lot of issues but I was a sweet girl then.

A change of school made me overcome my shyness and the pastels entered my life but before long I fell in a deep long affair with peacock blue. That was the only shade of blue which I liked, rather if I saw anything in that shade, be it a glass vase or a dress, it was sold…yea…to me. Life went on merrily with blue for a long time but quietly crept in a pale green, the shade of a new leaf when sunlight falls on it, this color entranced me. Now these two together ruled my heart. I wore the darker greens but rarely.

Then couple of years back, it was yellow, the color of the sun and I worshipped it. If it was yellow, it was mine. I loved its brightness. It was never a jaundiced hue for me…. it was the color of beaten gold, the color of endless mustard flowers and of fried eggs, sunny side up. Teamed with silver-gray it was sharp and bright, with a pale green, fresh and dewy.

I was happy in my world of gold, when gradually red started seeping in. It nudged its way into my heart, a book here, and a dress there and soon enough people were asking me if it was my favourite color. That’s when I realized Red had stolen my heart without my even realizing it. I wear it now without being embarrassed or feeling silly now. I even look good in it and to imagine that I was scared of wearing it at a time. Bah! I like most of its shades too and Pink; both the soft baby pink and the bright fuchsia make me drool.

Though the constant ones all along has been white and to a lesser extent Black. I have come to appreciate gray now. The only colors that don’t appeal to me are the ones that don’t say much or speak in pretentious or sad tones. I like shades and I like combinations of various colors now, not just with the perennial black and white. The funny parts is that none of them have stopped being my favorites, its just the play list has gotten longer with time. All of them are parts of me.


Faisal Qureshi said...

I respect and admire people who don't disown their work. I can never understand why people need to hide behind aliases. Yours is a brilliant blog. My compliments.

M said...

Changing colours, changing preferences accompany us through life... they help define us at different phases in the continuum of time...

To live in the reds, whites, blacks, blues, pinks, yellows and simply that: to live..:)

PoeticMermaid said...

I like your honesty in this, Gulnaz. I used to love burgundy red, and now, it seems like peacock blue is one of my favorites. I, too, used to be into dull colors, afraid of anything too flashy or bright. I say, wear it, sister! Let the emotions seep through your skin, onto your clothing, and into your smile!

bablu said...

Red..Brown..Blue..Green..Yellow..Red..Quite a circle..What goes round comes round as they say..Cheers.

Misreflection said...

I enjoyed reading that GS, lovely , colours are indeed a part of what makes us complete.
Sometimes I see Life like a box of crayons , I'm the black one but I love being surrounded by the others. : )

sal said...

Be it the lighter shades or darker ones.. Blue family's my favourite.

Anyhoo, this one's well written too. All admired.

Misreflection said...

GS, re: comment on my site, that is incredibly kind of you. Its been a dream of mine to come out and visit, due to the fact that its the country of my roots,and although I am now so far removed from the culture, its people and the language the longing to visit has never died. One day soon I hope. I.A.
Of course it goes without saying that I can offer you the same invite if ever you decide to come out my way.. remember the saying : my home is your home : )
Thanks once again.:)

Cruel Angel said...

Red is a very powerful color. It is the color of strength, of love, and of passion. Truly one of my favs, next to black. It's good that your favorite color is able to shift and change. That shows signs of a light-hearted and carefree personality.

..and I saw before me vast feilds of color

Tarun said...

I see a rainbow here....

gulnaz said...

Faisal Qureshi, thank you, but you are being too kind and generous with your praise. :)
one of the reasons for starting this blog was to learn to find my voice and be myself in front of everyone and not just a selected few, hence the real name. though, i can totally understand the need to hide behind aliases, they are neccessary at times. :)

M, yes M they are almost like the legends of maps. :)

Poetic Mermaid, thanks. being honest is important. i like the way you write about color seeping into our smiles. :)

bablu :)

Misreflection, thanks :) and you are right about we being like a box of crayons. if you want to add glamour or drama, just add a dash of black, ;)

i genuinely meant the invitation and you'll love discovering india. my city is close to del, and would love to meet you and show you around, inshallah and thanks for inviting me too :) yep my house is your house too :)

the woman, thanks woman and i hope you start posting soon too. there is something refined and pretty about blue.

Cruel, thanks for visiting and for your comment. hey where is that qote from? i like it. come again.

Tarun, thanks for visiting tarun and i hope to see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, hehe :) come by again.

. : A : . said...

Well written! Colours definitely tell parts of our stories and how we move through them.

gulnaz said...

.:A:. :) thanks :) so even someone as boring as me can claim to have lead a 'colorful' life. hehe

J said...

Dunno how i landed in here. But i must say... i loved this post of urs.
But i dont have a fav colour! :-(

Geetanjali said...

Now that was a colourful glimpse into your life!
I used to love orange (still love it actually) but never dared to wear orange too much - it's usually shades of blue that work the magic on me! Had to actually force myself to bring in new colours into my wardrobe when I realised I'd worn blue for a fortnight...;-)

gulnaz said...

J, thanks for visiting. it doesnt matter if you don't have a fav color, perhaps you like them all. :)

Geetanjali, I also have to force myself into buying other colors than my current favourite. Orange...color of flames...nice color, don't be shy, wear with the shades and combinations. light orange will go well with a pale blue. orange also goes well with red and brown and dark green...i think.