Sunday, August 05, 2007

keep the faith

i feel the moistness of the day heavy on my skin today...heavy as expecatation.
this sense of something which i wait for brings with it a restlessness, a vauge dissatisfaction...
here i am, searching for someone who will bring a sense of home to my soul...
i am part of that greedy tribe who wants evermore. perhaps it is so as we trade bits of our being for all that we have or think that we have.
some take pleasure in my smiles and some lay store by my strength but what i need is someone at whose feet i can lay down and forget all my troubles....
for a thousandth time i tell myself that it is not for a human to be so to another.

desires are nutty, cooky little creatures and i guess that is fine for they are not mere calcuations and calculations are fine everywhere except when it comes to our soft beating bits.
maybe i should go for a pilgrimage, walk in silence in the company of coffee and clean drinking water.
dreaming of a destiny and perhpas with each step coming closer to you but never close enough...
the problem is, i think, i have neither faith enough nor hope enough and yet i seem to have both enoguh to take me through each day. that is so perhaps because faith and hope unlike carbon are eternal energy sources, renewable and unlimited. they are there within us, if we want them.

19 comments:

Shubhodeep said...

precisely... i believe this brilliantly shows us wat ur blog is abt and expands further upon its motto.. "We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are."

nice one!

Alok said...

yes they are within us .... so we can just draw from them whenever we want to ...

btw the way u started and continued was simply amazing ... i like how u seem to personify every bit of feeling and emotions

Happy Friendship day

alok

maxxo said...

perhaps we like searching for things that cannot be found. once we find something, it can change, and is not always what we thought it to be. love may be eternal, but it mutates, changes colour, so it is never a constant. the trick is to catch it while you can, no?

gulnaz said...

shubhodeep- well... :) i don't know if its my motto as much as an idea i agree with. :)
it can also create problems for us, if we just want to see things the way we want to see them and not as they truly are.

alok- thank you, you write beautifully yourself! :) happy freindship day to you too!

maxxo- perhaps you are right, sometimes i too think we are wired for an eternal search... there is no constant and no absolute... everything changes... one needs to learn how to let go and to flow...

Raheel said...

such beautiful words that it was such a pleasurable read!

Russell Ragsdale said...

Many hearts hope with you as we read your troubling, poignant, and beautiful words.

gulnaz said...

raheel- thanks am glad you enjoyed it so! :)

russell ragsdale- aww thanks sweetie! :)

mermaid said...

Dear Gulnaz,

I will tell you something in the hopes that you may suffer less from another woman's despair.

I have chased the shadow of my husband's soul, believing it was my salvation, my key to eternal happiness and self-love.

It is an illusion. Though humans have a deep rooted need to be loved, there comes a time in an introspective person's life when he/she realizes that the 4th chakra, the heart chakra, can only be open and left open by the self. It is one of the toughest lessons I have ever learned in my life, and I still suffer due to that illusive desire.

However, if you can remember to take that pilgrimage every now and then to speak with God, to speak with yourself, you will learn what Rumi already knew:

'A Pearl went up for auction, but no one had enough so the pearl bought itself.'
-Rumi

You are a goddess standing alone, and another soul can only enhance your light. They cannot be your light.

Pecos Blue said...

You will get all you want and more. Just keep visualising it and I know you will.

gulnaz said...

mermaid- sweetie thanks you so much for this. its not nice to read that you have suffered, you seem so gentle and fragile...

perhaps you are right about the 4th chakra being open only by the self. all of us need to be loved, we feel as it validates us somehow but that is the mistake maybe. i know of complete cads who are so content in their self-belief that wild horses wouldnt shake their belief in themselves but...

you are so right...no other soul can be your light...

thanks for writing such a sweet note! the quote is fantastic!

Pecos Blue- i could hug you for that and i will! hugs 'n kisses! :)

Anonymous said...

G,

Thank you for this post....and yes, I believe you will find what you are searching for...Insha Allah.

Loved this bit "but what i need is someone at whose feet i can lay down and forget all my troubles...."


Love
Shaf

gulnaz said...

Shaf- Hi! what a joy to hear from you!! i knew you'd like that bit...we think alike in that sense...fools that we are! :)

Amalendu said...

this is how life is, perhaps!!!

Sue hardy-Dawson said...

Sounds like you're down right now but everything is transient nothing good or bad lasts forever, nice to hear from you xxx Sue

gulnaz said...

amalendu- perhaps :)

Sue- thanks but I am ok, i dont ever let me things too down. as you said its transient, i agree 100% good and bad both pass on, so as long as you are healthy and you can count your blessings you are fine! xoxo

Tiel Aisha Ansari said...

The carnival is up at http://knockingfrominside.blogspot.com/2007/08/ringing-of-bards-life-death-and-god.html

Thanks for your contribution!

Yafiah Katherine said...

This is a piece I could read over and over again. It beats with such an organic rhythm that takes you up and cradles you while gently telling some hard truths.

The line, "maybe i should go for a pilgrimage, walk in silence in the company of coffee and clean drinking water" went straight to those, "soft, beating bits" and it hurt. It is where I want to be, on that pilgrimage. It is where we are as we journey within.

Thank you gulnaz

Yafiah said...

Sorry but my comment above left a link back to my old blog. This keeps on happening. This should work now for my new one.

gulnaz said...

tiel aisha ansari- i don't know who contributed on my behalf but i am honoured to have been included in the carnival...truly...thank you!!!

yafia katherine- thank you so much!! it is wonderful to be understood and appreciated so!! thanks!