Friday, November 07, 2008

friday

i have been meaning to post for quite some time now and the reason I have not is that I have become scared of not matching my reader's expectations.  Now that is a worry I never had; it always made me feel good to be appreciated but when I wrote it was primarily to express myself.  So i'm tossing that fear in the bin right here, right now.

I have been busy with life, with ideas, with getting my heart broken, with picking up the pieces and dancing with them; i have been busy chasing sunsets and eating street food; i have been busy soaking in the perfect weather for Delhi, as far as i am concerned; i have been busy with braces and toothaches; i have been busy just enjoying the simple pleasures of my life.  I enjoy my homely life, it is good.

as i stand in the balcony in the middle of the night, enjoying the coolness of November and reorganising the world order in my head, dwelling on my problems, on slights and injuries real or perceived...who knows...i notice a leaf dried and crunchy hit the ground in few seconds flat and then silence again.  no complaints.  no tears.  it will renew the tree in its new life as part of the compost and that's it.

we take ourselves too seriously sometimes and that's where I have been wrong.  

The year is almost over and the dreams which I have now are not the ones I had at the beginning of the year and yet the taste of life is still sweet enough.  If anyone is reading this I would like to know how it has been for you.  I have made new friends, added new layers to my life and yet I feel no different or do I?  

Friendships were tested, relationships were re-negotiated, i discovered my needs and acknowledged my fears.  I have fallen back on many fronts but what the heck, such is life and it goes on and that's the way it should be.

24 comments:

MOHAMMED FARHAN KHAN said...

Fear of loosing your friend's interest doesn't make any sense of not writing...well i just want to say that i like your writing ,...thats y i m regularly visiting your blog,.....

well as fas as i concern u r living your full life ...n enjoying your daily routine, well toothaches are really scaring thing ...but your braces created the problem of ache or your created the problem of braces ....hehhee...

it seems that you are little bit angry with your life, but i have an experienced in my life...that whatever happened in the life is for the good and for your happiness ...i can only say ...Allah knows it better...
Life is not a dream, we are the co-authors of ourself, co-authoring the gigantic novel starting clowns and puppets.....life will always be same...it has no effect with anybody's absent or presence....

well take care ofurself ....
Allah Hafiz

MOHAMMED FARHAN KHAN said...

n one thing ...i m also writing a blog ...plz go through it ....
n hope we will have a good chat soon....
bye ...take care

{illyria} said...

for us who truly love and accept you, reading you in any shape or form is an honor. the way you write here, courageously, as yourself, is beautiful as is. no need to impress us, we already are. xx.

mermaid said...

You were never wrong.

That statement has taken some getting used to for me. I've lived how I've lived. I've changed and been the same. And I am love as is all life and you, dear Gulnaz, are still a poet.

Devika said...

Hi Gulnaz!

is that for me that you have written, my kindred soul??

well, i was doing all that but blogging too...gone through the same kind of life -- some vitrual, some for real..

yet finally, as you said
Life is life, to be lived 'virtuously' happy,not just 'virtually' or 'real'ly...

this is nice true at heart post...

was missing you so much..
anyway, thank you for your comments..

will get back there after a while..

wishes!
devika

gulnaz said...

farhan- thanks a lot farhan for your kind and gentle encouragement. i'll drop by your blog soon but i don't chat much really. allah hafiz

illyria- means much to me,, coming from you! xox

mermaid- thanks, you have a soul of one! you always make me think of the ocean and the silver moon. :)

Devika- thanks sweetie, glad you like it too!

iamnasra said...

If you give me that chance to talk you will not have any pages left.. I started the year with few dreams now the list is grown..Im also like you made some friends.. I also lost touch with some and I keep wondering in wich door to knock on them ...

I always been an admirer of your writing ..no matter what it is ..

gulnaz said...

nasra - i'm happy to hear from you and the dream list should run into many, many pages. if you want my advice quit worrying about what doors to knock on, just keep yours open.

Anonymous said...

hmmm. so true gul.. it happens to all of us. by 'us' i mean those who dare to dream. maybe some of these dreams may get lost but there is a reason to believe in them and that is good enough to move ahead in life! this is what is truly multi-dimensional existance! isn't it?..
can u think of dissecting urself along just one of them.. It would give u stability and u would be relieved of these conundrums that keep u busy but then would u prefer that superficial walkthrough.. I doubt!

~anon

Anonymous said...

and yeah one more thing: what is wrong if one takes oneself seriously. isn't that something that both ur mind and soul deserve!
~anon

Mystic_me said...

Hi Gul,
Fabulous post dear...u potray my feels exactly as i am looking in a mirror! i have been through all dat u mention in a single year...pain happiness, breeak up, family issues, work issues...but at the end of the day life is definately worth living no matter what happens. As for break up they hurt and seriously cut u there where it hurts d most bt den few blessed souls like us take d pieces of both partners n dance to the rhythm of life...believe me dis the best dance i know of:D
take care love
chhavi

Mystic_me said...

Hi Gul
i forgot to add u have a name for a reason follow ur name...i think it means a "Flower" so spread d beauty , love , happiness of a flower no matter whether its spring or winter chills!

Shubhodeep said...

hi gulnaz,

glad to know you've resumed blogging after your hiatus.. i'm even gladder that i checked your blog today...

i've enjoyed reading your posts ever since i can remember and i hope you continue posting even if you forget those who read or used to read your blog.

cheers!

gulnaz said...

anon- the danger with taking ourselves too seriously, is that we forget that we can make mistakes as well. its good to give yourself respect but that's about it.

Chavi- thanks sweetie! life is tough but its not all that bad...:) sometimes when we are feeling low we tend to dwell on only the negative things but even during those times, we are surrounded by blessings...so life is good really. :)

shubhodeep- i never forget anyone and thanks a lot!! :)

C.J.Duffy said...

It goes on and all we can do is to live it but that is the vital thing...live it; each and every day, live it.

Smashing post Gulnaz.

Anonymous said...

yeah! but then one tries to make ammendments to restore sanity; otherwise one is justifying those mistakes
~anon

gulnaz said...

CJ- yea that's the answer to the riddle, thanks! :))

anon- huh?? sorry could you explain yourself better please?

Anki said...

i need delhiii
i need the smog and chill on the tongue every morning

:{

Amalendu said...

its a constant fear we have to live with....give a damn and words will start flowing ( I guess!!!)...whatever we say, life is more cyclical than linear in nature....

africanfragments said...

i hope i can be counted amongst the new friends you have made

Anonymous said...

still didn't get it.. huh! fear of making mistakes is no way a good enough reasons to stop taking oneself seriously. anyways.. may be its a matter of perspectives
~anon

gulnaz said...

anki- hey come on over...the smog has hit the pre-cng days and the weather is delicious! :)

amalendu- true! ;)

africanfragments- of course!!!

anon- whatever :)23:21 14-11-2008

Pat Paulk said...

Your writing is fine as any keyboard can type. Glad your posting. Life, ain't it a thrill ride...

Janice Thomson said...

Life is like that isn't it ...forward three feet; backwards two feet... and always changing. One just has to go with the flow - my how easy to say; how darn hard to do sometimes :)