thank you for not forgetting me...

i feel so much love running through these words left on this space marked out for me that i am lost for words...thank you seems way insufficient!

i am ok but don't ask me why i went away for i will not be able to tell. i am not even sure that i am back. we don't even realise when we say goodbye. many a times people leave before the lights have gone out and we just don't realise it. what goes and what remains behind can never be told ahead. when its time to say goodbye, close your eyes and feel the spaces between yourselves in your heart. let your heart expand till it feels it will break...and it will grow whole again.

wispy white cloudsbreaking the speed barrierchasing the summer that is gone.shadows across the windscreengathering speedgarbled memoriessearching for the right one.

too many wordsjust not the right ones.

XOXO

blank on a winter day

It is almost a fortnight into November. The winter is sweet yet.... the mildness of the sun, a caress. Softly time slips through the hours, each hour bathed in light and dressed in perfume of some faint scent. The harsher cold of later months is still a memory from last year but the memory of the scorching summer is still burnt in my mind. Each day it is still a surprise to wake to gentleness.... to this softly sighing weather.

I know there are places where it is already snowing and I know there are people who will suffer from it and I wonder if I am being callous in enjoying this munificence yet to not enjoy this wintry feast would be small minded.

My mind has been pushed by blankness under muddy waters and when that happens its difficult to keep my eyes open, heck, its difficult to even breathe then. I have to struggle to push my head above and gulp some air to keep afloat.

To begin with I was an enthusiastic person but over time, I learnt to sit still and not want anything. Stillness is a fine thing but not when it is paralyzing. I have curbed my desires to the point I have only memories of them. I believed that one must control one's wants, which is a fine thing but I have realized that too much of this can make you numb. Wanting leads to taking steps to getting it but I have seemed to lost that part. I tell myself to learn by wanting little things but its something I need to re-learn. Will I be able to learn this? I have yet to know.

I know there are people who suffer from wanting too much. Those people are caught up in a vortex of wanting and consuming and yet not sucking the joy from those moments. However I stand at the other end of the spectrum from them and not so strangely in a roundabout way right next to them.

a music note

you know the thing about trance is that it catches you between its unrelenting beats and wont let you stop till you are too tired to move anymore. the thumping beats rule your heart and pushes out all else. with hip-hop you feel sexy and with some others you feel like a kid, some turn you into a rebel and some just set you free. music is when it moves through your heartbeats. it is music when you can hear a feeling and it is music when colours and shapes come alive to the beat, which moves through them.