Monday, April 19, 2010

sunday 3 pm

there is no equality in relationships, be it any relationship whatsoever. if you were to keep a fair statement of balance, you'd go nuts with the taste of bile in your mouth. somebody needs to take and somebody needs to give but it should make you feel good about yourself but even that is often compromised. is it only for needs that we seek each other? self-sufficiency definitely eases up a lot of heartburn and the other is managing expectations. managing expectations is vital. you only have one mother and no body else will give you that love and unfortunate souls don't even get that. I know of people who have curdled relationships, for years they have tended to their festering sores, proudly displaying their hurt vanities and misdeeds done against them. those relationships are kept alive for the pain they have given each other. they are never buried, they are never laid to rest. they are kept alive by keeping an up-to-date account of who-did-what-to-whom- brilliant fact-keepers, pathetic story tellers. perhaps they wait for a confrontation were they will prove their hurt innocence and their aggrieved hearts will be assuaged by the other's tearful repentance; in their minds as well as to willing ears they play out their broken hearts but what is the endgame, i wonder. what does it matter if you were right? yes it is a pain to forgive and yea letting go is a rip in the heart but its your heart that you have to mend and festering wounds are best healed. This strange beast we have within us, the ego, it holds us captive to grudges and never lets us heal ouerselves. worrying about being loved and cherished or not being loved and cherished enough will only drive the nail in deeper. mistakes are made and words are said. hurts are glorified and wounds are fed. but again what is the point? if you are in a relationship with another human being, whatever nature that relationship is, it has to be for love and in love you have to fall on your knees and accept the other as your master. in love, it hurts like hell. in love, we can cut deeper than any sword. and yes we lie in love and yes we go a bit mad in love.

by way of explanation, this came about as a result of recuperating on a blistering hot Sunday afternoon which tends to bring out the rambling thinker in me. The thinker twists my insides and plays with my mind. It makes me think of strange things and makes me react strangely to things.

outside there is a patch of cloud, all the billions of dust motes in their collective strength have dimmed the sun just that tiny bit. or maybe we'll get lucky and get some much needed showers to break the heat wave. it remains to be seen. will i learn and grow from my lessons, it remains to be seen.


Ralf Bröker said...

Difficult to read - for my browser (Opera) shows a very compresse texture. Anyway: interesting mix of watching and opinion.

Best wishes

gulnaz said...

Ralf- i am so sorry, always look forward to your thoughts.

gulnaz said...

Ralf - thank you Ralf!!!

C.J.Duffy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
C.J.Duffy said...

Love is the brokerage of trust and faith.
At first it is desire and perhaps a sense of finding the yin to your yang.

"Drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can't drink anymore."

There is always compromise and love is the biggest compromise of all. On the other hand there is romance. One falls in love and it isn't until later that you realise that love can be a bloody deep hole.

Personally, I couldn't live without love. Love is, as you say, taking as much as giving. We must accept that and now I find, as days grow shorter, that I envy the giver more than the receiver.

gulnaz said...

how well you put it!! sometimes the need to give can be as much an ache as a want which goes begging.

anonant said...

There is danger in expectations
the disappointment of them being unfulfilled but should you get what you want when unexpected now there joy can be found.
I have been away too long.

Amalendu said...

Its long time that I passed by this site...perhaps will come back again like a soothing breeze or a stormy gale...this time the halt was to wish you and say Id Mubarak....

anonant said...

Some folks hold fast to,
their pain like it's a blanket,
Sore comfort that harsh fabric,
covering ones eyes with only,
The bad things, mad things,
and hurt.

Nice ramble G!

gulnaz said...

anonant - yes there is joy all around. Peace

Amalendu - I am glad you did come by, thank you, hope you are doing well :)

anonant again - yes holding on to pain is wasting energy.

Anonymous - Indian girls live a full life and do what they want. I obviously cannot comment on the person you are talking about as I neither know you nor the person you are talking about. What people decide to do with their lives is up to them, marrying, not marrying, its all up to what they want. Its too silly a matter to comment upon, people should do what makes them happy.