Friday, February 13, 2009

what could have been but is not.

i waited.  but your footsteps did not echo mine.  I've been a different person with each space i occupied in Delhi, this city of myriad moods.  the mellow winter warmth thawed my frozen heart.  innocence and sweetness.  a hushed bliss.  exploring and discovering new words, colours leached from carnations, sunflowers suffused smiles which you tied around those months streaming in a wavelike ribbon behind.

it was sort of like holding the big shiny moon hidden in my tightly clenched fist.  we should have just let the free-fall be and then the tranquility would have been ours...we would have danced in its glow.  

rendered silent now by its loss.  if only things were different we would have laughed and played in the calm majesty of the present.

now that the present is lost and the past....how do i make sense of myself; how do i collect the chards of a broken image; how do i make my hurt better?

i am the waters of a flowing river.  there are not cracks in water, yes the ripples will be there but the calmness will return.

breathe.... and let go.

20 comments:

anonant said...

"In the calm majesty of the present"
"Water has no cracks"
I sense a lightening of the poignancy.
Very moving.
peace

gulnaz said...

thanks!! btw, how do i access your blog?

anonant said...

Here is the url, http://antagoniste.blogspot.com/
Your site requires port 443 cookies to access comments it may be that you are limited by some network detail.
peace

The Wandering Hermit said...

What it is and what it should never have been.... Very touching post..
But there is always Hope..

cheers
z.

Matt said...

This is very nice and touching. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

You move every string of my soul.. the chords are tuning the music that you created with your words ..keep writing

Nasra

Raghav said...

Very well written

Devika said...

Loved this prosetry, Gulnaz :)

"if only things were different we would have laughed and played in the calm majesty of the present."

I believe in the power of human mind to make things different -- atleast look different...so I can smile or laugh no sooner than i cry...

because in present lies life...past and future seem so illusory...

well written, Gulnaz :)
you let go..and then you know you are happier, because more people around you are happy :)

wishes,
devika

C.J.Duffy said...

At this moment in my life this holds a powerful resonace for me.
Brilliantly written.

fleuve-souterrain said...

Gul, what fresh writing. I'm waiting to cross post it on my blog... come March. You know, you are very good at reflections and prose poem type things... keep writing!

anonant said...

If there is one thing I have noticed in blogging and visiting other blogs is the sound of voices that must be heard, There is truth in this medium
that cannot be denied, come back from wherever you are and let us listen.
peace

gulnaz said...

anonant- thanks a lot for remembering me...will be back...busy with work ;)

peace

Muhammad Yaqoob said...

I find your blog very nice. great work.

Raghav said...

water has no cracks...brilliant

tikulicious said...

speechless ...your writing comes from heart Gul.. am so happy to be here and learn ..touched me ..

Indigo B. said...

I liked how you brought in the image of suffused smiles on sunflowers and the moon clenched in fists, indicating the loss.

Janice Thomson said...

A poignant post Gulnaz. Your writing always reaches deep into the soul...

gulnaz said...

yaqoob- thanks! ;)

Raghav- thanks for appreciating that!

tiku- :) u r a sweeethearT!

Indigo B- its nice to be so appreciated!

Janice- (deeply bows)...i'm flattered that you should think so.

africanfragments said...

that is so brilliant..and yes calmness will return.

Swati said...

Very well written. Shows pain in subtle way.