Tuesday, September 23, 2008

i'm happy to be me

i want to aplogise to myself for the asphyiating scorn I have reserved for myself for so long. how was it born and why did i nurse it?
random moments unravel threads of a silent wound. no one understands, least of all me myself. no one wants to understand
the bitterness of curdled thoughts, of rancid longings.
going through old notebooks i realise i have sinned against myself.
still, i am happy to be me. perhaps loneliness is not about being alone. it is the abyss you fall into when you abandon yourself.


9 comments:

Janice Thomson said...

The last two lines say it all Gulnaz - and if we're lucky or smart enough we find this out early in life...

rubenh (thesocialreformer.com) said...

i like to understand the bitterness of curdled thoughts..

Devika said...

'i'm happy to be me' -- its the most satisfying feeling despite all sins, apologies...I share your sentiments...didn't we see a 'kindred soul' in each other before too...

short, but nice afterthought. Reassuring message Gulnaz!

Updated http://devika-theunheardvoice.blogspot.com/
again, don't know if you will be interested. But wanted to share...

{illyria} said...

the last two lines did it for me, too.

Amalendu said...

perhaps loneliness is not about being alone.....true...
its nice gulnaz...

gulnaz said...

janice - its taken me a long while to figure it out and there are times when i slip back...i have to constantly remind myself. :)

rubenh- then you are a brave guy :)

devika- absolutely!! :)

illyria- an honor :)

amalendu - yes there is nothing wrong in being alone.

Salil said...

Hi,
We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.
Cheers,
Salil

Devika said...

Gulnaz:
Blog, Certain Kind of Woman' updated.
Hope you would come.

anonant said...

Ignorance is in fact innocence. I think the best we can do is look at ourselves in the mirror and grin sheepishly and say, "doh."