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In balloon color
dresses, women
go down with the sun.
Summer evening
Girls, ices & watermelon slices
Pretty, pretty in pink.
Strings of jasmine
Playing
In dark hair
Rushing garcons
Between parked cars
melting orders
Little boys
selling heart balloons
to little men in big cars.
Music
from parked cars
near garbage.
Ice cream
Melting to
Warm tounges.
15 comments:
"Strings of jasmine
Playing
In dark hair"
I just love love love the smell of Jasmine!
Interesting GS, Verse: Little boys....., wonder why the use of words such as heart, litle, big cars. :)..Of course I have my own ideas on why you chose these words.
ps I love jasmine too, playing in my hair, lovely phrase.
I love the first verse paragraph. "In balloon color dresses". Nice, very nice image.
Such description in a gentle but powerful voice.
"Little boys
selling heart balloons
to little men in big cars."
There is so much in this stanza. I can go on reading it again and again and again.
:-)
.:A:., really? :) thanks, am glad you like it so. ;)
mermaid, thanks darling! :)
Joel, flattered that you shoudl like it, thank you. :)
Missy, i like the smell of flowers in a room, thanks for appreciating! :)
Nicole, yes nicole me too. i sometimes put jasmine flowers in a bowl, in my room. i don't wear them in my hair though...got shortish hair.
Summer parades and fairs are so much fun. The sights, colors, foods, etc.... Yummmmmm.
sizzling summers = sensual imagery
i love the pictures i see in my head after reading every verse, gulnaz! you write truly inspiring poetry.
Hey I don't know if you've been to Bbay and to Naturals Juhu - but this poem took me back there immediately!
Beautiful word pictures Gulnaz and very summery! Btw aren't the best 'icecreams' those kulfis you get on the road? Slurp!
what a kaliedescopic vision of india, for surely this is she, that smacks you squarely in the eye when you read these punchy lines. and each line and each verse has that wonderfully energetic vibe that takes hold of your wrist and transports you smack bang centre into the market place with all that fantastic colour and sound and scent.
i wanna ice cream. NOW!!!
great poem Gulnaz.
Jamie, a feast for the senses. :) though it wasn't a fair, just an evening in the part of the city where people come for ice-cream, kind of a town centre.
transience, thanks! ;)...there is something sensual abuot summer.
finnegan, thank you...its all these pictures which remain in my head.
the heat sorts of brings everything to life...sharpens the senses and the sharp colors are, i think, our efforts to strike out at the heat itself.
brazil...would like to go there somewhere but then i like to go everywhere. :)
Geetanjaliyes naturals!!! i loved it, in fact once had someone bring it out down all the way here and i remember it was so frozen, finished it within an hour, spoon by spoon. i remember eating it, late at night, sitting by the window when everyone was asleep and listening to the sounds of that great city of ours...you sure bought on memories with that one. :) thanks and yes faluda kulfis are mmmmmmm. ;)
CJ, it really is a kaleidoscope...how i wish i could portray all its colours...there are many...pastels to gaudy hues..to rich emeralds to muddy browns! its not easy to fall in love with it but one does eventually, with all its stench and scent too. thanks CJ...you do flatter me...and get a scoop...make that two.
Lovely poem.
You could think about adding another layer by regulating the rhythm. For example verses 2,3 and 4 have four beats, Verses 6 and 7 have two but the other two verses have five and three. The way you use rhythm can add or subtract from the feeling and power of a poem.
this place you described makes me want to be there and take it all in. i look forward to watermelon during the summer :)
Roger Stevens, thank you! thanks also for your suggestions...makes me feel good. it is just that i don't know about these things (beats, metere etc). these verses are like snapshots of what i saw and felt and meant to be like stand-alone tubes. however i agree 100% that together when they are read, something is amiss, glad you pointed it out. :)
Lorena, thanks, glad could it paint so and yes watermelons are heavenly! :)
Laura, yes i liked it too....:) thanks for leaving a comment,come by again. :)
it is a beach is a beach... NICE (the city) the beach..
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